Exercise at Home! Get Off the Road, Especially Bikers!

Peter Bach, the hero of The Polyglot, Amazon.com, emerges lean and fit after 7 years of solitary confinement in Korean prison, thanks to his strict adherence to a two-hour daily regime of free hand exercises, pushups, squats, punches, kicks, arm swings, twists and turns, runs in place, his 9-foot square cell providing him with infinite possibilities to work his every muscle and bone.
Later, as a free man, rich and famous with spacious properties and mansions at his disposal, he maintains the same routine, exercising in a 9×9 square mentally circumscribed somewhere in his house and least likely to intrude on anyone’s notice or comfort. A modest man despite his genius with native fluency in 16 languages, a phenomenon of the century, he is guided by an instinct or moral certainty to minimize his imprint on the outside world.
Peter may well give pause to many of us who automatically link fitness with treadmills, bikes, weights, bench presses, and other equipment, gyms, and outdoors. Everything can be done with nothing in the privacy of your home.
(1) Solitude
Your fitness is your business, just like sickness or death you suffer by yourself. Get over the childish desire to announce to the world that you are on a fitness program, your superiority as a member of the aware, enlightened elite.
(2) Nudity
There is simply no need for any aids, our body supplying all the equipment, limbs, torso, neck. Naturally, the preferred attire is nudity, unless you are kinky about underwear or clothing soaked in sweat or other secretion.
(3) Bicycle
In particular, get off the bicycle and dump it, a throwback to childhood. For fitness purposes free hand exercises will trump off-ground bipedal pumping any time.
(4) Public Safety
Moreover, bikers have long been a serious safety hazard on the nation’s highways.
The other day I was driving down County Road 501 or Piermont Road that winds through majestic woods with splendid trees towering skyward in northeastern New Jersey bordering New York. Drawing a deep breath of contentment at peace and harmony with the world and nature, I rounded a bend only to stand on the brake to a screeching, bucking stop and avoid by a hair a head-on collision with a car that yanked back to its lane, passing a column of a dozen or so bikers who, in the certainty of their ownership of the road, merrily pedaled down the driving lane.
No dictator gives up his power voluntarily: they must be forced out. Keep the bikers off the county roads! Along with pedestrians they are already off interstate and state freeways or toll roads. Just extend the prohibition to county roads, because safety on them is a greater priority than indulging these overgrown children to show off their toys and regalia, orange, red, purple, blue, psychedelic. If they are training for the Tour de France, send them off to private roads, least likely to endanger the driving public.

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